Through the Thorns…

Lacking Faith – by Kevin

Somehow, through the day-to-day, normal events of my week I managed to really cause some major discomfort in my feet. My hope was that a little sleep and a lot of rest would ease the pain I am now feeling (this is different then the low back, knee and ankle pain I normally deal with). But last night the pain escalated and my reaction was not made in grace, nor was it very manly. Instead, I reacted in fear, anger, despair and a little more anger.

I tried to distract myself with some favorite movies and quality time with my wife, son and grandmother, but all I really wanted to do was be angry. You see, I’m no stranger to pain. One would probably think I’m used to it, but new pain is never warmly welcomed. I fear the possibility of being off of work as a result of pain. I fear not being able to do the very little amount of what I can do and consider fun. I fear the possibility of a future of having to constantly deal with feeling and even being unable to do what others find easy and medial. And this makes me very angry. I seriously love my life… I just wish I was someone else in it. The same spirit and personality, but with a different body. A body that is capable.

When it comes down to it, my faith is lacking. I am not saying I believe that if I will it hard enough and if I believe it hard enough God will heal me. Instead, my faith in God being sovereign and in control of my circumstance is lacking. My faith that God has allowed this to happen for a purpose is lacking. My belief in the goodness of God and the power of the gospel is lacking. My belief in an eternal future is lacking. And all of this can be disheartening.

All of the above mentioned areas of lacking faith are unfortunately true. But I thank God that being perfect in any of those areas is not required of me. I am still growing in my walk in the way of Christ and I guess I am being humbled in certain ways to remind me of my need for Him and His work on the cross. It is my hope that, through him, one day I will figure this stuff out, but it’s not today (and it definitely was not last night).

Last night’s events concluded with my wife asking me what it was that I wanted her to do. She asked if I wanted her to pray over the situation. I realized then that praying was the last thing I wanted to do, but it was definitely what I needed. I walked into the hallway and, not so gracefully, demanded my family meet me in the living room (yes, I live with my family still). Once we were all there I explained the situation and we prayed. I know God does not have to heal me just because I want it. And I know he probably won’t heal me in the way most think God performs His healing capabilities. But it does not change the fact that I want relief. That I want change. So what is it I pray for? What is it my that family and church family prays to occur in my life? We pray, not only for healing, but that God would shower me with grace; That God would be more important to me than my own flesh and circumstance; That the truths in scripture and especially in Christ’s gospel message would be more real to me than pain. I know that if these things were more real to me then I would have a different outlook. I know I would not care about the pain I feel anywhere near as much as I currently do.

So, brothers and sisters in Christ, friends and family, I ask you for prayer. I will not stop you if you pray for healing. Hopefully it happens. But specifically pray that God would be more real and important to me than anything humanly imaginable (especially my own reality and perception of it). Pray that God would continue to pour out grace on me so that I will continue to fight “the good fight”.

Single Post Navigation

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Traveling Grace

We will use this blog to share stories of our life, ministry and travel. We pray that what we write will bless you.

Mike's Look at Life

Photography, memoirs, random thoughts.

Life As I Know It

Inspiration, Motivation, Encouragement

Super Woman Syndrome

Letting go of my super powers and letting God help me fly.

Espen Stenersrød- From Pen To Heart

Jack Kerouac with a scent of Henry Vaughn

GODINTEREST - Christian magazine covering faith, culture and life

Godinterest is a place to talk about God, Culture, Life and all that other stuff

Resting in His Grace

Finding the Rest Jesus Promised ~ Matthew 11:28

Grace and Truth

...all the words of this life...

He Hath Said

is the source of all wisdom, and the fountain of all comfort; let it dwell in you richly, as a well of living water, springing up unto everlasting life

A Call To The Remnant

Scottish Warriors for Christ- http://www.facebook.com/acalltotheremnant

A Daily Prayer

The daily prayer from Daily Encouragement Net

l i g h t room

Word(s) . Light . Life

Pure Glory

The heavens are telling the glory of God; and the firmament proclaims His handiwork. Psalms 19:1

Life Is Worship

Give unto the LORD the glory due unto his name; worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness. (Psalm 29.2)

Churchmouse Campanologist

Ringing the bells for Christian traditions and getting our story out there. If we don't, who will?

Renewed Hope

“Our hope is found in JESUS CHRIST” : Helping Catholics rediscover their faith; whether they are non-practicing, just returning to the faith, or a weekly worshiper. Sheding light on the meaning behind what the Church teaches and believes.

Walter Bright

Refining theological understanding. Sharpening ethical rigor. Heightening devotional intensity.

Faithrises

"Discussions on faith and perseverance"

THE RIVER WALK

Daily Thoughts and Meditations as we journey together with our Lord.

Dan Pierce

Building a Better Team

Chris Mathew Photo

portraits.weddings.landscape.all-around seer of sites

%d bloggers like this: